Enough

Before I'm going to write it all down here. I'm gonna say I'm gonna regret writing this stupid shit. How LAME this may be if I read it in the future. But I can't take it for now.....

Almost everyday. I always say "stop", "that's it", "that's enough", "I'm done". But no. There's always that time that always brings me back to you. And I hate it. Why is it so hard to do it? I hate writing this, but what can you do when you can't tell anyone else? Keeping it to yourself is always seems better.

I've realized it now. I knew I'm gonna say something like this. It's stupid.
I'm stupid.
It's just stupid to wait for something you're not really sure about. For something you're not sure if it's gonna happen. Or if he's still into you.
Why wait? What's the point of waiting if he doesn't even give a little bit of attention to you?
I knew it already. And that's the stupidest thing. You're waiting for something that's waiting for something else. Maybe?
"You're not sure? So you'll say "maybe" and you're still gonna wait?"

I had enough. I'm tired with this shitty feelings. Tired crying over something you don't know whether it's true or not, or whether is gonna happen or not. Sometimes it's just hard to breathe when I hear your name, you just sink deep down the pool of pain.
And I don't want this to go on. Drown in sadness. Wearing masks that are just NOT YOU.

I know I'm not like her. She's hmm.... I'll say, classy? Pretty, rich, smart maybe, and fashionista. I always wonder why you started this if you haven't even moved.

But hey, you know what? I'll be this kind of girl you've never met. You don't know the real me :)
Even though we've been into some kind of relationship but that was the half of me. I was different in front of you. Still am, if I'm in front of you. I know. It's wrong.
And I'm gonna find someone that accepts me the way I am. That's me. This is me. With all my flaws and how I laugh at things that are maybe lame to you. Or how I randomly ask something that's unnecessary and maybe how childish I am.

I know, I'm not like the one you've waited for so long :) just disappointed in why you started it. You should've explained it, or at least tell me. Cause I loved hearing your daily stories. But I guess what's done is done. I'm gonna try my hardest to erase all of this. I know I deserve better. Be patient. You'll get it. Focus on what's in front of you! It's not the right time to think about this. But sometimes it just comes up and you can't take it that you have to write in on a blog.
That was a tough lesson you taught me :) hope everything goes well for you.

And the way you looked at me this afternoon,
makes me think that you really don't deserve me.
And hey, you know what?
My happy thoughts are rarely about you anymore :)