For You Who Deserve Better

"You must be nuts! You waste your credit and time texting or calling someone who never picks up your call and never return your text or calls. Are you dumb? Are you foolish? Don't you get it? Are you dumb? This person is either seeing someone else or definitely he/she doesnt have any regard for you, let alone wanting anything to do with you. Quit calling/texting this person. Somehow this person may have claimed to love you

but truth is words with no actions is NOTHING.
Actions first then words follow to support what that person simply say. He/she may say he or she was busy but that is total lies. Grow up in mind Quit/Stop being used like Trash/fool. Love yourself and get to know yourself better, know your worth. Don't waste yourself!"

Enough

Before I'm going to write it all down here. I'm gonna say I'm gonna regret writing this stupid shit. How LAME this may be if I read it in the future. But I can't take it for now.....

Almost everyday. I always say "stop", "that's it", "that's enough", "I'm done". But no. There's always that time that always brings me back to you. And I hate it. Why is it so hard to do it? I hate writing this, but what can you do when you can't tell anyone else? Keeping it to yourself is always seems better.

I've realized it now. I knew I'm gonna say something like this. It's stupid.
I'm stupid.
It's just stupid to wait for something you're not really sure about. For something you're not sure if it's gonna happen. Or if he's still into you.
Why wait? What's the point of waiting if he doesn't even give a little bit of attention to you?
I knew it already. And that's the stupidest thing. You're waiting for something that's waiting for something else. Maybe?
"You're not sure? So you'll say "maybe" and you're still gonna wait?"

I had enough. I'm tired with this shitty feelings. Tired crying over something you don't know whether it's true or not, or whether is gonna happen or not. Sometimes it's just hard to breathe when I hear your name, you just sink deep down the pool of pain.
And I don't want this to go on. Drown in sadness. Wearing masks that are just NOT YOU.

I know I'm not like her. She's hmm.... I'll say, classy? Pretty, rich, smart maybe, and fashionista. I always wonder why you started this if you haven't even moved.

But hey, you know what? I'll be this kind of girl you've never met. You don't know the real me :)
Even though we've been into some kind of relationship but that was the half of me. I was different in front of you. Still am, if I'm in front of you. I know. It's wrong.
And I'm gonna find someone that accepts me the way I am. That's me. This is me. With all my flaws and how I laugh at things that are maybe lame to you. Or how I randomly ask something that's unnecessary and maybe how childish I am.

I know, I'm not like the one you've waited for so long :) just disappointed in why you started it. You should've explained it, or at least tell me. Cause I loved hearing your daily stories. But I guess what's done is done. I'm gonna try my hardest to erase all of this. I know I deserve better. Be patient. You'll get it. Focus on what's in front of you! It's not the right time to think about this. But sometimes it just comes up and you can't take it that you have to write in on a blog.
That was a tough lesson you taught me :) hope everything goes well for you.

And the way you looked at me this afternoon,
makes me think that you really don't deserve me.
And hey, you know what?
My happy thoughts are rarely about you anymore :)

Distance

This song is just........way too deep. And it's really good for singing out loud miserably in karaoke with your best fellas. Just to release the words you wanna say that are slowly killing you inside. LOOOOOOOL pft

The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?
Please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you'll understand
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?
And I keep waiting
For you to take me
You keep waiting
To save what we have
So I'll make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?
Make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening
How long 'til we call this love, love, love?
- Christina Perri

Aren't You Tired?

I don't even know if my days are getting better each and everyday of it. I feel like... everyday is the SAME. WHY?!

What do you even do in 24 hours and 7 days and 12 months and a year or whatever that is???

Wakes up-takes a shower-puts this and that-school-school-and school-extra class-sometimes I take naps (well I have to)-homework and homework and naaah... I don't really do them like I used to. But it'll repeat EVERYDAY and EVERY WEEK.

I think I really need holidays. LIKE REAL HOLIDAYS. Not just staying at home and gluing my bum to my chair and staring at my computer EVERYDAY. God.... I'm tired.

I know, if I compare how my life is to some unlucky people out there is way different. And I'm definitely luckier. But am I not allowed to say this things? Or how I'm complaining this and that? 
Is like what they say that  
"Telling someone they can't be sad because others have it worse is like saying someone can't be happy because others have it better"
I do prefer letting it out to some people I can trust. But, even though I trust my mum and dad. I don't bother having the intention to tell my problems. Unless, it's about my results on tests or how annoying a teacher could get. I prefer telling it to my best buddies. Yes, but hey you know? Not all people that you use to be close to can be with you every time you need them. Not everyone could be by your side every time you want them to. So sometimes.... you just have to keep it to yourself. 

Do you feel the weight on your chest? What kind of word that could describe this feeling tho? Hmmm.........pain? 
You hold it up too long and too much that you don't even know what you're focusing on. When your head says no but your heart says yes. That confuses you on what you should do. What's best for you. And so the weight of the pain becomes heavier and heavier that you can't even hold it your self anymore that you sleep with tears falling.

How dramatic. But that happens a lot. True?

So this is not all because of school. Your life. As a young teenager, tryna show the best, strong, wild out of every one. And that feeling you get when you're not getting appreciated from someone you love. When you're DYING tryna talk to him/her and calm your fucking gaps between you and him/her, but all you get lead you to disappointments. AND THAT MAKES YOU TIRED.
U know my feelings mate? 

Baah, sometimes you really need a break. You really need to escape from reality. Reality sucks asses. I do hate it, but what can I do? What's the purpose of living actually? Life gives us lessons. 

Right. Why am I writing this shits, lol.

I wanna go somewhere far away. To the beach maybe, white sands. I miss white sands. Would someone kidnap and take me there? You, maybe?

Once

Have you ever been into a situation like....you're so confused whether you should hold on or let go? It's not that easy. Nobody said it was easy. How can you forget a person that've made you feel like you're a special person to him/her?

She never thought that it would be this hard. Meeting you IS some kind of an adventure for her. Hmm, how can she explain it in details tho....

She never thought that she was gonna meet you. It was like.... De javu.
And so......

Once, she was in junior high school, year 9. It was her first year being in a new school and new environment. It was a hard year for her as she was tryna catch some subjects that she'd missed. But then, she got used to it. And she lived her school life pretty well.

She met 2 guys there. Those guys are the ones that she used to date. The first dude was a good and smart one. The second? Hmmm.... aggressive, not that smart, lol, and umm.... pretty annoying as she remembers about him right now. She felt bad every time she thinks about the first dude. She thinks she treated him very awful. And every time she compares the first and second dude, she prefers the first dude now. Yes. She regrets dating the second one. Obviously he was bad. He was teaching her bad stuff. Which she thinks that he was leading her to the wrong path. Naw. She hates him now. She regrets for spending her times, money, pride, and those sort of stuff that she wasn't meant to give in that age. Shame. It was painful, still painful if she remembers those days in the pasts. But she doesn't wanna show it to the world. She doesn't really show how much she hates the second dude. She likes to keep friends without judging their backgrounds. She likes it to keep things to her self. Even tho they're really are some pain.

It was stupid how she got into that guy. Was she drunk? That's what she kept asking to herself. They were in some kind of a complicated relationship. She felt she had enough of him. She was getting tired for not getting appreciated. She almost gave up.

But then some figure came. It was someone that she thought she would meet. She was day-dreaming about you. Yes you. Someone she thought she would have some fateful feelings if she meets and gets to know you. She never knew it would come true.

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